Not Fallen, Just Returned to the Depths

[J'Rasé // Ryuo]

Ras washes her hand for what feels like the thousandth time, it's finally clean. She sees Drixar and his memorials, and approaches the faun.
"Don't you think it's a bit early for mourning? I-we, have to kill more of them in a few weeks time... that is if we don't kill eachother first..." {she motions towards where Quill and Morrigan were executed}

She paused briefly before continuing "I can't have more loved ones taken from me Drixar, and these people you're memorializing would have done just that. I some of town knew the heralds before Nero, but those versions of them are gone.

She jitters slightly as she Meeks out a far softer "I'm sorry XXX" the last word is far too quiet to hear.

[Drixar]

Drixar tilts his head to acknowledge Ras’ approach, however he doesn’t lift his head from the task of tidying the memorials. “Grief waits for no man, woman or otherwise Ras.” He speaks gently, in an empathetic tone.

“Whatever they did or didn’t do it doesn’t mean that they aren’t deserving of love. I know what it’s like to lose people you love as well, but that doesn’t give me an excuse to be unfeeling to a person I could have been if I went left instead of right, you know?” He finally reaches her gaze, a tear sitting gently on his cheek.

[J'Rasé // Ryuo]

Ras looks at Drixar solemnly, a while passes without a word "I have gone left instead of right before Drix, and I wouldn't mourn my past self, Mankirk and the other one, were far from my first- hell tenth, kills. If I stared mourning everyone who has taken from me? I don't think I'd survive it."

[Drixar]

Drix nods at this, then looks Ras dead in the eyes before speaking. “Why? Why would you not mourn her?” He lets the question hang in the air for a beat before continuing

“Because I would. I don’t know your story, and you don’t have to tell me either. But I believe that everyone is deserving of a heart who beats without judgement, who loves not because they have to but because they can. I mourn the heralds because when the sun sets they were still people, potentially misguided but people. If I told you on my death bed that I was a hardened criminal, years of targeted executions under my belt, would you mourn me?”

[J'Rasé // Ryuo]

As Drixar looks into Ras' eyes, there's an emptiness within. And she shudders again when you ask « -Why would you not mourn her?»

"Drixar I'd mourn you without pause. But I would not fault a soul who didn't. I wanted to leave what I was behind, but I couldn't, I had the choice to grant mercy but I failed h- (she cuts herself off)... I failed. I killed those two collective soldiers because I missed it Drixar, the feeling of it."

[Drixar]

The faun nods again, visibly taking note at the cut and rephrasing. “And I do not fault you for that.” He hums slightly as he continues working, letting the rustling leaves fill the emptiness he’s left.

“You’re not the first to kill for survival you know.” He hums, taking a second to dust his hands. “My Biological mother, Bella, she worked as a guard for some businesses, and sometimes people forced her hand. The feeling became a comfort, a security. By knowing she was strong enough to take lives she felt she was strong enough to protect my family and our herd.”

“Your blood would have been on their hands if you let them live, ras.” Drixar finishes his work, scooting over on the shawl he had laid out and patting the ground next to him inviting ras to sit. “However I don’t see that as a failure. I don’t think of whatever you may have done before holdfast as a failure. The world is cruel and the people who walk it even crueler, but we shouldn’t be angry at ourselves for the things we had to do. Now don’t tell Corin I said that though, they’d call me a hypocrite.” He chuckles.

[J'Rasé // Ryuo]

Ras sits, listening to the leaves for a moment.

"I don't want to be part of that cruelty anymore, I promised someone that I'd be kinder, more loving. But all it took was a war and I'm right back where I was. Maybe this is the me I need to be right now. Maybe I should sit here and cry and heal. I hate how easy the former is, how easy it is to sever a life when you want to." She sighs for a moment "Is it supposed to be easy?"

[Drixar]

“Do you want me to lie or be truthful?” Drix sighs. “Because if I’m to be honest, no, it’s never easy and anyone who tells you it is is lying to themselves more than they are you. I’m sorry Ras”

[J'Rasé // Ryuo]

"It's okay Drix, it just means I'll need help right?" She smiles warmly "holdfast is all I have left, and between you and everyone else, I think I can one day be better." Her smile fades "promise me. If I lose myself in war, you'll reel me in... Okay?"

[Drixar]

He smiles with the same warmth. “I can promise I’ll try, but I think if you really wanted to you could throw me into the nearest tree with one hand.” He laughs, elbowing her playfully. “I’ll do my best though, and I expect you to do the same.”

[J'Rasé // Ryuo]

Her smile reignites "of course! We have to do this together." She shimmies off of Drix's shawl and lies out on the grass "I'm sorry for what I said about the memorial, you're right, they deserve respect like the rest of us."

[Drixar]

Drix smiles. He gently adjusts one of the frames absentmindedly. “Don’t be. People deal with things differently than I, it would be wrong to assume you cope the way I do.”

He takes the frame with the tiara in his hands, producing a small cloth from his mana pouch to clean the crevices. “I’m sure many would object to my usage of beloved but honestly I could care less.”

[J'Rasé // Ryuo]

Ras chuckles for a moment

"I do cope different, but I should still apologize for discounting how you contend." Ras lifts herself off the grass, teetering slightly, falling back to the grass. "I'm not going to change overnight, while this talk has helped and I thank you for that, I will likely find myself here, once again thinking of her. Wondering why it's hard. " She paused "But Thank you, Drixar."

[Drixar]

Drix will smile over at Ras. “It’s my pleasure. I may not be trained in the art of figuring out the mind, but my near 21 years of life have taught me what’s the right thing to say and when.”

[J'Rasé // Ryuo]

"I wish I could've learned the same thing" The Human let's out a sigh and places her hat over her face, "I wish... " Ras dozes off in the grass, comforted by Drix's presence.

[Drixar]

Drix chuckles to himself as his friend slips into sleep. Quietly he departs, only for a moment, then returns with a blanket from his bed and a book. He drapes the blanket over Ras then tucks himself under the base of a tree, reading in silence.

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